THE HUMAN COMEDY

With the stage set

And characters outfitted

A musical interlude instigates

As the clown mounts the stage

A true master slave to humour

An introverted extrovert

Full of wisdom in folly

With varied emotions

One for each tiny bit of feeling

Concocting to act naturally

He mimics an original copy

Wearing a pretty cruel smile

Appearing naturally strange

He entertains this small crowd

And finally picks up the microphone

Looking clearly confused

Yet to confess an inkling

A gloomy truth

Eager to appear invisible

Or perhaps wake up dead

His only choice then

Was to run slowly

Or wait impatiently

He recovers from this short wait

Comprehends a light darkness

Illuminating the chamber half empty

A noticeable absence

He squawks quietly

Then lingers to a halt

At the sight of the comical show-host

A pot-bellied man

Apparently cantankerous

If not so badly dressed

An unapologetic plea follows

As he speaks into the microphone

Re-echoing an open secret

One by family

One by friend

One by foe                                    

We’re all living dead

Partaking in the human comedy

- Atsu Dogbey

Knock the T’ off the CAN’T

A story is told of one of the greatest public speakers history had recorded. Growing up with what seemed to be a self-inflicted inferiority complex, Zhànshì’s legs shook even when he attempted answering a question in the classroom. Born into a family of great achievers mostly in public speaking, Zhànshì had the desire to become a public speaker himself someday. His Dad and siblings excelled in the art but he could not comprehend why he performed poorly at what came almost natural to him and seemed to run in the family. After a few failed attempts, he resolved to not partake anymore in public speaking, as the art made him overwhelmingly scared and disclosed to everyone his lack of confidence. He chose a career in mechanical engineering which had little to do with interacting with humans (in this case, customers) but all to do with machines. He felt the freedom he had longed for. Only, deep within him, he found no actual peace (call it; inner peace). He could almost always catch himself crying at night for denying himself the opportunity to do what he felt was his true destiny; to become a public speaker.

One fateful morning, Zhànshì read an article published in a newspaper written by a celebrated writer. The writer captioned the article “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T” which sought to enlighten her readers about the myriad benefits of positive thinking coupled with the “Can do!” spirit. What intrigued him the most was the writer’s narrative of her beginnings and how she initially felt the fear to give her career a try. But with the same motivation to “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T” which she had also discovered and read earlier in a book, she literally got up and made that journey to success amidst its challenges. 

Shortly after reading this piece which had been drafted as though it were a personal message directed to him, Zhànshì also got up, literally, and bid his current job a final goodbye. Indeed the journey was not rosy as he failed again a number of times. He would not give up, but changed his thinking to believe in God and himself that he could do it. He gradually became an optimist, filling his mind with positive thoughts. And just as like attracts like, he had transformed himself into one of the greatest public speakers history had ever recorded.

When asked in an interview of how he had accomplished much with such an unmatchable self-confidence, he gently replied; “Trust in God and knock the T’ off  the CAN’T!” He then referred his audience to a poem he had written and carried along with him throughout his life as a public speaker.
The 3-stanza poem detailed; how timidity almost stole the best away from him, how he did not feel accomplished working in a field other than his destined field and finally, how he took that bold step to pursue success regardless of his fears. He captions this piece with his eternal words; “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T”. 
 

So I hid in the arms of failure

Wrapping myself comfortably in its embrace

O’ what a love so genuine!

I pleaded to bear no further disgrace

So I settled for less

Enjoying my decision regardless

But I still could feel the tears

My ego stole from me for years

So I knocked the T’ off the CAN’T!

And put in all my might

To free myself from this plight

And give success its very fight

Naïve Perspective

Call it what you may, the perspective of the immature or childish if you like.  Irrespective of how you refer to it, it is important to note that your view of people is dominated by this perspective; the Naïve Perspective. And until you come to such a realisation, it’ll be close to impossible to acquire social intelligence. Social intelligence is nothing more than the process of discarding the Naïve Perspective and approaching something more realistic. It involves focusing our attention outward instead of inward, honing the observational and empathic skills that we naturally possess. It means moving past our tendency to idealize and demonize people, and seeing and accepting them as they are. It is a way of thinking that must be cultivated as early as possible in this phase of our lives. But before we can begin to acquire this intelligence, we must first come to grips with the Naïve Perspective itself.
Compared to other animals, we humans enter the world remarkably weak and helpless. We remain relatively weak for many years before we can truly operate on our own. This extended period of immaturity, lasting some twelve to eighteen years, serves a valuable function: it gives us the chance to focus on developing our brain – by far the most important weapon in the human arsenal. But this prolonged childhood comes with a price. During this time of weakness and dependency, we experience the need to idealise our parents. Our survival depends on their strength and reliability. To think of them as having their own frailties would fill us with unbearable anxiety. And so we inevitably see them as stronger, more capable, and more selfless than they are in reality. We come to view their actions through the lens of our needs, and so they become extensions of ourselves.

During these long period of immaturity, we often transfer these idealizations and distortions to teachers and friends, projecting onto them what we want and need to see. Our view of people become saturated with various emotions - worship, admiration, love, need, anger. Then inevitably, often in adolescence, we start to glimpse a less-than-noble side to many people, including our parents, and we cannot help but feel upset at the disparity between what we imagined and the reality. In our disappointments, we tend to exaggerate their negative qualities, much as we once exaggerated their positive ones.

Although it is natural to have the Naïve Perspective because of the unique character of our childhood, it is also dangerous because it envelops us in a childish illusions about people, distorting our view of them. We carry this perspective with us into the adult world. In the work environment, the stakes are suddenly raised. People are no longer struggling for good grades or social approval, but for survival. Under such pressure they reveal qualities of their characters that they normally try to conceal. They manipulate, compete and think of themselves first. We are blindsided by this behaviour and our emotions are churned up even more than before, locking us into the naive perspective. If we have been forced earlier on in life to make it on our own, practical needs would have come to dominate          our thinking and we would have become more detached and realistic. But as it is, the many years of viewing people through the lens of or emotional needs turns into a habit that we can hardly control.

The Naïve perspective makes us feel sensitive and vulnerable. Looking inwards as to how words and actions of others implicate us in some way, we continually misread their intentions. We project our own feelings onto them. We have no real sense of what their thinking or what motivates them. With colleagues in our work environment, we fail to see the source of their envy or the reason for their manipulation; our attempts at influencing them are based on the assumptions that they want the same things as ourselves. With mentors and bosses we project onto them our childhood fantasies, becoming unnecessarily adoring or fearful of authority figures and creating stormy or brittle relationships in the process. We think we understand people, but we are viewing them through a distorted lens. In this state, all our empathic powers are rendered useless

With the inevitable mistakes that we make, we become entangled in dramas that consume our minds and distract us from learning. Our sense of priorities becomes warped - we end up giving too much importance to social and political issues because we are not handling them well. If we are not careful we carry these patterns to the next phase of our lives in which we are in a more public position. At this level, being socially inept can prove particularly embarrassing even fatal to our careers. People who retain their childish attitudes will rarely be able to hold on to the success they may achieve through their talent.

How do you come to such a realisation?

You reach this awareness by reviewing your past, paying particular attention to any battles, mistakes, tensions or disappointments on the social front. If you look at these events through the lens of the Naïve Perspective, you will focus only on what other people have done to you – the mistreatments you endured from them, the slights or injuries you felt. Instead, you must turn this around and begin with yourself – how you saw in others qualities they did not possess, or how you ignored signs of a dark side to their nature. In doing this, you will be able to see clearly the discrepancies between your illusions about who they are and the reality and the role you played in creating this discrepancy. If you look closely enough, you can often perceive your relationship with bosses and superiors re-enactments of the childhood family dynamic- the idealizing or demonizing that has become habitual.

By making yourself aware of the distorting process of the Naïve Perspective you will naturally grow less comfortable with it. You will realise that you are operating in the dark, blind to people’s motivations and intentions, vulnerable to the same mistakes and patterns that occurred in the past. You will feel your lack of real connection to other people. The desire will naturally arise from within to change this dynamic –to start looking outward instead of focusing only on your own feelings, to observe before you react.

This new clarity about your perspective should be accompanied by an adjustment of your attitude. You must avoid the temptation to become cynical in your approach as an overreaction to your prior naïveté. The most effective attitude to adopt is one of supreme acceptance. The world is full of people with different characters and temperaments. We all have a dark side, a tendency to manipulate and aggressive desires. The most dangerous types are those who repress their desires or deny any existence of them. Often acting them out in the most underhanded ways. Some people have dark qualities that are especially pronounced. You cannot change such people at their core, but must merely avoid becoming their victim. You are an observer of the human comedy, and by being as tolerant as possible, you gain a much greater ability to understand people and to influence their behaviour when necessary.

With this new awareness and attitude in place, you can begin to advance in acquiring social intelligence and to see people as they truly are; having a dark side that is obscure when viewing them through the lens of naïveté.

-           Robert Greene

Reproduced by: Atsu Dogbey

The Other Passenger

I had refrained ever to describe any day as my worst until last Friday. The week had slowly wrapped up and I had to go back home for the weekends. My journey back home had always been brief. I would usually pick up a passenger bus loading on the way from Cape Coast to Accra. I heard the usual Accra! Accra!! Accra!!! coming from a mouth that didn’t look promising but who cares? I was headed home to enjoy the weekends. My genie granted my wish and I had a seat at the front next to the driver. My journey had begun.  Before I continue, let me share with you a little secret why I would prefer to sit at the passenger seat in front when travelling; first privilege is that, I hardly feel the speed of the fast-speeding bus, secondly because I get to see everything that happens first-hand and in 3D whereas those seated behind have their wild imaginations to contend with as they scream the usual Driver! Tubu! Tubu!! (Asking the driver to be patient and to drive carefully), to avoid the occurrence of the bizarre pictures their imaginations were feeding them. I just smiled and enjoyed the show.

The journey was interrupted when the mate hit the side of the bus and screamed Wol3! Wol3!! (Originally a Ga word and an adopted jargon to mean pick him/her up). The bus halted to pick up a passenger. In most buses, the front had two passenger seats and the passenger leapt in the empty seat next to me. There was something odd about him but I just couldn’t tell what it was. As if to satisfy my suspicion, he took out a knife and started chanting quite loudly, attempting to cut himself with the knife in the act. He would chant louder (maybe that was what my ear made me believe) and cut his skin harder but there was still no sign of blood. The passengers behind were laughing deafeningly at a Kojo Nkansah movie shown on the bus’s television while I was witnessing what seemed to be a cult of some sort live and in HD. Anytime he attempted to cut himself, I felt my blood ooze out generously on his behalf. I noticed the driver enjoying his overtaking competition with other equally interested drivers and that was when it dawned on me that I was the strange passenger’s closest and only audience. I had had enough and decided to alight at the next junction to set myself free of this trauma but my economics lecturer always insisted that I avoid impulse buying no matter what, only I couldn’t tell if he meant it included cases of this sort. I brought my Jesus closer to my lips and tried fervently to keep smiling back at him anytime he turned to look at me so he finds a friend in me and spare me the luxury of sticking that bloody knife in my innocent throat. Shortly aftterwards, my prayers got answered. The strange man alighted at the next junction. I felt the need to kiss the mate "thank you". I teased myself a little for mastering cowardice but hey... even Hercules might have experienced a little bit of fear.

Another passenger replaced him and this time round it was the sound of a bleating goat that brought me back to reality. Passenger number 2 was journeying with the goat under our seat with both of his legs chocking the throat of the goat. I felt very uncomfortable by the acrid stench he and the goat shared, it was as though they had taken a shower together. The goat was shouting for help while its notorious hunter bleated (Matter-of-factly both hunter and goat were bleating). My heart raced in fear any time I heard the suffocating goat bleat. My legs shook and my clothes soaked with sweat. I was thinking of the merciless beating the goat would subject us to if it succeeded in setting itself free. In fact I felt my soul depart from me. I heard an applause from behind as Kojo Nkansah continued to engage them in his finesse in comedy and humor alike. I heard the popular bus stop!!  The man with his newly-wedded but strangled goat alighted. I had seen enough so I closed my weary eyes, said the Lord’s Prayer quietly, and allowed sleep to bring out the best in me.

Approximately fifteen minutes later I was awakened by a tender voice that prompted me that I was snoring so loud. My God! She was a beauty! She had charming little eyes with a neatly ironed face coupled with a rather cruel but likeable smile. I was embarrassed and wanted to alight. As if to worsen my plight she confidently told me to avoid sleeping in the bus because the gates of my mouth flew open when I did. Now I felt the need to weep but I didn’t. I sat quietly next to this pretty face feeling like a bag of rubbish. I had seen it all and now I knew nothing could be worse. We got to Kasoa and this pretty face alighted. I knew she was beautiful but I cursed her under my breath, "Away with your ugly face!". 

To prevent any other passenger from joining in next to me, I sat in a way that occupied both seats. This time we had no extra passenger so I thanked God and enjoyed the journey. Few minutes into the journey, we picked up a woman who would be the last of my temporal front row partners. She claimed she was a herbal doctor. She pleaded with the driver and passengers for attention so she could market her product. She spoke in twi and I cared less because at least she was better than her predecessors who had occupied the seat she now occupied. A young writer like myself enjoyed reading so I took out a book titled ”Growing Up” and sank deep into the waters of the captivating submissions of the various authors. I sank deeper. Then I heard passenger number 4 take out a book and hand it out to me. She had been telling the passengers about the various ailments her drug could cure and asked that I read it out loud in English from the book as she could neither read nor write. I love to read but for the first time I hated this reading task. Everyone was looking at me with great expectations, eager to hear what the English version of their ailments were. “Candidiasis can be prevented by applying the leaves of…” I started out in a low and shy tone. I was reading what I would term an embarrassing drama script as most of the ailments captured in her book was pertaining to subjects women would want to keep secret and discuss if at all, to their partners. I felt so ashamed. Then I heard an elderly woman shout from behind “Gentleman macho your voice!” You could imagine the look on my face. I raised my voice a little louder to spill out information I wouldn’t even feel comfortable discussing with my girlfriend. Suddenly, I heard the relieving “Last stop!!”. I almost threw the book at the face of this self-acclaimed herbal doctor as I sped out of the bus and headed for the final bus home.

Strangely, my genie again got me an empty seat at the front of the loading bus. This time, I turned down the offer and dived into the behind of the vehicle. I immediately noticed a shabbily dressed man join in next to the passenger seated at the front. I smiled at the torment the front row guy might witness. I sighed, said my prayers and laid my distressed soul to a thirty-minute uninterrupted rest. 

To Thine Own Self Be True

Polonius:

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”

Laertes:

“Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.”

Hamlet, Act 1, scene 3, 78 – 82.

-Shakespeare

“To thine own self be true” is Polonius’s last piece of advice to his son Laertes, who is in a hurry to get on the boat to Paris, where he will be safe from his father’s long-winded speeches. Polonius has in mind something more Elizabethan than the New Age self-knowledge that the phrase now suggests. As Polonius sees it, borrowing money, carousing with women of dubious character, and other intemperate pursuits are “false” to the self. By “false” Polonius seems to mean “disadvantageous” or “detrimental to your image” by “true” he means “loyal to your own best interests.” Take care of yourself first, he counsels and that way you’ll be in the position to take care of others.

Frustrations, depressions, drug-addictions to mention a few, are common conditions that any individual can easily develop. It is not intended for any particular psychographic segmentation of people but for the ones who remain “false” to themselves mostly by engaging in acts and professions that are disadvantageous and detrimental to their image. 

Ever wondered why some successful and wealthy people end up on drugs or commit suicide after all they have achieved?

Or, why some experts in a particular field of art unexpectedly diversify into an entirely unrelated field overnight?

The news headlines always have it; ‘RENOWNED ARTIST TURNS PASTOR’ or ‘CELEBRATED JOURNALIST TURNS POLITICIAN’. 

These are all indicators that although it may seem that one is successful in a particular profession or art, the individual may not necessarily be passionate about it thus living in falsehood of one’s self. The art or profession if not resigned may result in frustrations, depression among others. The only sure way to overcome these conditions is to stay forever “true to thine own self” by doing precisely what is in your best interest regardless of what others claim suits you better. Simply put, Polonius advises that one is NOT mandated to, for example;

·         Be a musician because one’s parent was once a celebrated musician, or

·         Work for any company regardless, because the pay is good.

·         Neither should one sell his/her soul for money and fame, nor

·         Engage in wrongdoings because no one seems to be watching (Remember you and God are).

   

Man, to thine own self be true and that is the only way to attain happiness and fulfillment. Resist the urge to chase only after wealth and pay much more attention to your “true” self, which is your values and passion. By choosing to do exactly what you are truly passionate about, you will become happier and be in the position to care for others. For instance;

·         If you are a doctor but desire to be a minister of the Gospel, become that minister!

·         If you are a university graduate but desire to sell coconuts sell those coconuts!

·         If you are a politician but desire to be honest, then be honest!

·         If you are a policeman but do not want to take bribes, don’t take it!

·         If you are rich but desire to mingle with the poor, mingle with the poor!

·         If you work for a company but desire to become an entrepreneur, quit that job!

·         If you belong to one political party but share in the vision of the other, vote the other into power!

Never allow yourself to be dictated to, be loyal to your own best interests and there you will forever find happiness. Do away with hypocrisy then you will save yourself the trouble of having to jump off a 55-storey building after acquiring all the wealth and fame, only because you insisted on pleasing others thus remaining “false” to yourself. 

To assist you in heeding to the advice of Polonius is an interesting rendition of a popular nursery rhyme. Recite it whenever you are faced daily with the countless “true” or “false” choices of self. I hope it enables you to make the right and “true” choice to prevent cases of frustrations, depression and drug-addictions, later in life.

Lies, lies, lies

Tell it to myself?

No, no, no

Why, why, why?

Because, I know the truth (2x)

God bless you!

Best Regards.

-Atsu Dogbey