A SON'S HERO, A DAUGHTER'S SUGAR DADDY

I am supposed to write about father’s day but I cannot write this piece without being bias. I know better than to write to this piece describing only, the father I knew and loved; my dad and hero.  Although I do not deny the fact that at various stages in my life, a few elderly men assumed the role of father. I want to seize this opportunity to propagate my definition of a father’s love per the life my biological father portrayed in the years past.

Unlike the love of a mother which is portrayed in the forms of showing of affection, care and love that caters for the emotional needs of their children, a father’s love towards his family is distinct, that is the provision of needs and the financial pillar of the home.

Before I proceed with this write up, I want to digress a little bit to share with you a statement I overheard an elderly man make when he was invited to settle a dispute between a young lady whose father abandoned his roles and was seeking a reconciliation with her after she had become successful in life; “A man is not required to cater for your needs to be your father, the mere fact that he gave birth to you makes him your father”. This statement makes scientific sense because the young lady came about when an ordinary man answered to the call of biology but he does not qualify to be her father in the essence of the word father; that I strongly disagree. In essence, The Most High God is our father, in essence the relative who provides for your needs is your father, in essence some of us regard our pastors as father (spiritual father is what we call them) as for biology, it only plays a close to irrelevant role in the construction of the theory of fatherhood.

I felt and still feel ungrateful for turning a blind eye on the efforts of my father when he catered for us. He would complain that he didn’t have enough when we ask for financial assistance stating also that, he sometimes had to go to bed on an empty stomach. “Eeeei!!” we mocked, “With all the money you have, how can a rich man like you sleep on an empty stomach!”.  Don’t be so quick to judge us because we reacted in such an unpleasant manner because he had portrayed himself as the provider of our every need so much so that we never imagined he lacked a thing and this justified our unpleasant but innocent reaction.. Truth is, he did lack a few things but he didn’t want his family to lack anything. This is the man worthy to be called, father, a daughter’s sugar daddy and a son’s hero.

This day is not celebrated with the love and care accorded to mothers on mother’s day because a father’s efforts are hidden from the eyes of his children as he goes the extra mile to break deals with people sometimes at the expense of his life just to meet the needs of his family. He understands comfort but sacrifices it for the comfort of his family.  Most of us can attest to the fact that all we know about our father is that he is that IMF that comes in to bail out the family in times of financial difficulties but the point we are all missing here is the fact that without the provisions a father puts in place for the children, their mothers love will make no sense to them. Often times, I hear children express anger at their father's action or inaction because they only receive money and periodic phone calls from them and that he does not make time to play with them. I laugh and want to ask them a simple question; will you rather your father plays with you all day at home and says “I love you” anytime you ask for fees because he cannot afford it? Which of your numerous bills can the ‘I love you’s’ and the ‘plays’ you request of your father settle?

The role of mothers is felt and evident but for the fathers, it takes a matured mind to translate all the financial support he invests into the family as love, the same way we quantify all the love and care of our mother in its monetary equivalents.

So anytime you say a word of prayer for your mother, telling the Good Lord how much more years you desire that He adds to the age of your mother whose presence you feel, pause for a second and think of the man that sacrificed his presence and time to enable you to feel loved by your mother because he spends his entire life striving to pay the necessary homage to Maslow.

Motherhood and fatherhood use different doctrines in executing their roles. This makes their roles different but complementary and must not be analysed in isolation. Both of our parents cannot play the role of a mother (showing love and affection) neither can they assume the role of a father (financial pillar), it’s a blend of both that makes parenting complete.

If I had the veto power, I will forbid the celebration of mothers and fathers in isolation to pave way for the celebration of both parents on a designated day (Parent's Day) because their roles complement each other and are complete together not in isolation.

Let’s appreciate the efforts of fathers so we do not leave them unappreciated. I honor and celebrate my father and I know you do too. So to all fathers in the world(biological fathers constituting the minority), we honor and celebrate you! We respect your hustle Fathers!

Happy Father’s Day!

God richly bless you Father!!