PERHAPS, THEY ARE JUST OVERHEAD

On my way to work yesterday, I noticed a mercedes-benz van behind us trying endlessly to get ahead of us but our bus driver wouldn’t budge. This driver of the van pursued us relentlessly until we approached an overhead. He impatiently drove his van up onto the overhead to continue his journey while we continued on the path which now appeared to be directly beneath the overhead. We survived the traffic approaching a junction where both the overhead and the road we used dispenses its traffic onto a shared lane. "Alas!" I thought out loud, "The impatient driver might have gotten ahead!". I glanced at my wrist-watch wishing our bus driver also made a similar effort. 

Almost immediately, a van behind us on the shared lane began hooting its horn at us, interrupting my thoughts, in a bid to overtake the bus I was in. I turned to notice the now infuriated driver of the same mercedes-benz van struggling to overtake us once again. One of the passenger’s asked the bus driver in the local Ga dialect why the driver who had gone ahead of us was now behind us. The bus driver chuckled and mocked, “Don’t worry, he was never ahead of us" The bus driver replied, "he was just overhead!” 

This really got me thinking; "Could others who seem to be ahead of us in life, perhaps just be overhead?!

Sometimes, we find our chosen path in life as miserable with the chances of success seemingly long. Mostly because the path of our colleagues and peers appear to be well figured-out and rewarding. Our path however has a traffic load of obstacles and challenges. We are then tempted to steer our life onto the path overhead hoping to end up ahead of others. Be mindful, you might be undertaking what is supposed to be a 5-year journey, 10 years to complete but still end up behind like the driver of the mercedes-benz van.

Everyone’s chosen path in life is peculiar and as success has no preferences, she rewards anyone who attempts to make love to her on her terms, that is; on the colorful bed of long-suffering, under the comforting sheets of endurance. Do not expect any rewarding one-night stand's. She can sometimes be unbearably patient with her rewards. 

Your path may seem demanding, but I urge you on, to keep at it. You probably may be a few meters away from success. 

A double-minded individual or drifter receives nothing in this life, neither does he/she get any answers from God when he/she prays. So I entreat you to stay focused and to pursue your chosen path religiously. 

Remember always, that nature compensates each and every one in due time. I encourage you to turn the steer of life back onto the path you initially chose, the one apparently beneath the overhead of others. When others are in haste to use any road that seems ahead, just mutter the words of the bus driver to yourself “Perhaps, they are just overhead!”; a gratuitous waste of the already limited fuel of life. 

Focus even more on your path, fighting through the numerous traffics of life and you would someday have a baby with success, and find Mr/Mrs.Overhead behind you, even more frustrated than he/she was before he/she chose the path overhead.

#StayTrue

#NoShortCutToHeaven

                

Best Regards!

Atsu Dogbey

A Member of TDL.

THE ABC’s OF MY LOVE LIFE

Prelude:

(A standing ovation and a loud applause filled the air as the last but one contestant of the final phase of the annual African Woman competition concluded her presentation)

(As the performer exited the stage, a strange figure mounts it holding a microphone)

(The applause minimizes and everyone stared helplessly at this young lady in tattered clothing)

(Everyone wondered? Was this an act? “Where the hell is that pot-bellied security guard?!” An audience yelled)

(The security detail of Her Highness the Queen-mother moved towards her seat at the front of the audience so as to shield her from any happenings.)

(The young lady didn’t bother to introduce herself but yelled out a name; as if to call on someone in the audience. The audience froze in their seats and were caught in an unusual dilemma; to either run for their lives or run for their lives)

Akwasi!

(She screams and continues)

That! is the name of my childhood lover.

Beginning

(She continued)

We had begun nursing what I would later call a love affair

Choice

I chose him and his wants over me and my desires.

Dead!

That was how I felt towards myself as I lived solely to please the only man I ever loved.

(She had now gotten the undistracted attention of everyone there present)

(The audience also noticed the alphabetical order with which she presented her narrative) (Every audience guessed what the letter E might represent.)

(Perhaps, “Easy”, a lady with a strange hairdo thought)

(“Excruciating” a thought from the mind of a professor)

(Everyone was expectant)

Ecstasy!

(She said with a smile)

An exotic word to describe the love we shared. Permit me however, our love affair was beyond my fantasies. Beyond my imaginations! Gosh! I was the luckiest lady in the world!

Friend

I needed no one. He was what you would call a best friend. In fact, he represented my entire world

("Awwwwww..." The audience uttered as they shared in her memories)

Guilt!

I then discovered that, all along, the so called “love” he showed me was out of sheer guilt! He felt sorry for me and did not want to jilt me because he knew I loved him and figured I might not be able to do without him.

(The audience didn’t see this coming. “At G and your relationship is already screwed? Like seriously?!!” A young man in a blue-coloured jacket thought out loud)

Hurt!

(Now the audience had come to terms with her choice of clothing)

My fears deepened and all I could feel was hurt. My once lover boy turned abusive.

Internet

My only friend, whom I resorted to with the help of its countless relatives including Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, reading topics on How to please a man and the many hows of saving a dying relationship.

(The audience nodded their heads in agreement; A gesture to affirm her submission as they were or might have fallen victim of such)

Joy!

Yes! I felt it once again when he apologized for his actions and inactions.

(“Why is this young lady toying with our emotions? Couldn’t the letter J stand for Judgement or Justice? The guy is treating you unfairly for Christ’s sake!” A rather attentive audience commented with vengeance in his eyes)

Kenkey

His favourite food. And that evening we used it as a meal to signify our reunion. Call it a Kenkey boutique for here I was shopping for the second-hand clothing of love from my own lover. But who cared if it were second-hand?! My lover was back for good!!

(She manages to steal a chuckle from the Queen-mother whose attention was glued to her the entire time. The audience couldn’t help it either)

(She pauses; as though to give Her Highness the Queen-mother some time to round up her smile)

(With tears in her eyes and pain lingering in her voice she screams)

Lust!

I noticed this come-back was not for love’s sake for all he desired afterwards was my skirt! I do hope you understand.

(Everyone was dumbfounded. The Queen-mother looked searchingly on the stage as if to find Akwasi)

Mad!

Now, a desperate me began to feel used and disrespected. I was furious!

(A lady in the audience shouted “Yes! You damn right girl! You go girl!! We got you!!!”)

Nudes

As if to add insult to injury, all he asked of me were pictures of me naked.

(She bowed her head in shame)

He even insisted I excluded my face as its ugliness may distract the pleasure he sought from the pictures.

(She recounted painfully)

But I declined and considered an end to this emotional torment.

The Queen-mother whispers something in the ear of one of her servants; as though instructing him to command her warriors to behead every male by name Akwasi on her land)

Opportunity

(She continued)

I had an option, when a new guy approached me promising to show me the love, we both knew Akwasi was denying me. But on second thought, I opted to first learn to love my self.

(“I love that about you! Excellent choice! I tell them that all the time. They just will not listen!” A gentleman yelled from behind. He was well dressed. Perhaps he was a marriage counsellor. “Bravo!” He exclaimed as he continued to clap)

Pain!

That was when I took the pain to leave his sorry ass! Pardon my language but I couldn’t find any phrase in the dictionary best suited to describe the disgust I felt towards the man I once loved and cherished.

(Tears running down the face of almost every lady in the audience; as if to say “we’ve been there sister!”)

Quarantined

I withdrew myself from everyone who mattered to me and hid in a dark room to embark on a journey I had denied myself for years. A journey in search of the I in me. A journey to find my true self.

(“Good!” yelled the professor who had picked up his eyeglasses as if to see clearly, the words coming out of the mouth of this young lady)

Result

I’m guessing you’d want to know if I succeeded in finding my self.

(The audience chorused; “We want to know!”)

(Now smiling through her tears)

The answer is a resounding YES! Of course I did!

(The audience stood up and cheered! Clapping and shouting!)

Selfbian!

The dictionary once again lacked a word to describe my new self.

(The professor gestured; as if to say “Try me, I will give you that word or phrase immediately”)

Because if I tell you how I felt towards myself, society would have referred to me as a lesbian if it was towards another lady. I loved myself so much so that I wanted to get married to me. What will society call that then?!

(She looks directly in the eyes of the professor who dodges the gaze quickly so not to disgrace himself)

(She saves him the trouble and continued)

Selfbianism perhaps.

(The professor nodded in agreement. With a you-read-my-mind look on his face)

Time

I realised I had wasted the youthful years of my life being a man pleaser. And here I was, in search of lost time. I took to poetry. To express what I had experienced and to renovate a talent I had abandoned for the sake of love.

(Someone uttered a not-so-loud “True!”)

Union

I built a deep relationship with God. And I must say it was beyond mere churching. I was earnestly seeking spirituality.  

(A pastor who had been following this presentation jumped on his feet and shouted “Ha-lle-lu Yah!! The audience replied in one accord “Amen!” The Queen-mother couldn’t help but say same as her linguist stared at her mischievously)

Voice

So I decide to tell the world my story. To be the strength and voice of the unsaid stories of relationships sailing on the seas of pain, torment and hurt.

(A woman whom was later identified as a delegate from WAJU ( Women and Juvenile Unit) stood to give this young presenter a standing ovation with a clap)

Woman

Yes that’s what I call myself now! A woman! Not a rag! Nor a plaything! But a woman! An African woman for that matter!

(Every lady audience stood to applaud her)

X’s

I do not believe in the concept of keeping count of exes. I was so done with Akwasi and I believed giving him a title as my ex was too much to ask. Although I do not deny the fact that he taught me the biggest lesson of my life: To learn to love my self. Only his tactic was flawed.

(A young student exclaimed “Yawa oo!  Chai! Akwasi,you do yawa big time!”)

(The pot-bellied security guard approached him and asked that he kept his mouth shut)

(The Queen-mother’s servant had returned and handed the Queen-mother the Kente cloth she had requested for)

(The Queen mounted the stage with the Kente cloth in her hand)  

(The audience hailed the Queen-mother as she dressed this young presenter in the perfectly-woven and brightly-coloured Kente cloth. Only then did her true beauty surface. She was a beautiful lady with the body of a model and the charm of a princess)

(Everyone cheered as the Queen-mother gave her a hug and exited the stage)

(Now the room was filled with joy and applause)

(The gentlemen took out their phones to take a picture of a lady they now admired and found attractive)

Yvonne!

(She voiced out confidently with her face beaming with smiles)

Pardon my bad courtesy, to not have introduced myself to you earlier.

(The audience nodded in a manner to mean that no one had taken offense)

Yvonne happens to be my English name. I recall it was the name Akwasi also called me. Honestly I didn’t enjoy the luxury of the myriad pet names including; "baby, honey, boo or bae", not even the primitive "my sweet pawpaw".

(The stone-faced linguist couldn’t help but break protocol to have his fair share of a good laugh)

That notwithstanding,

(She paused)

(Paid homage to Her Highness and continued her speech)

It is obvious I have now found myself and do love me for me. With this beautifully woven Kente as a gift from Her Highness the Queen-mother of our land, I’d rather you; and I mean everyone seated here, including my future husband wherever he may be, address me as Nana Yaa Kyerewaa Sackey I; Queen-mother of my life and a proud member of TDL (The Dogbey League).

(The applause lasted for minutes as the captivated audience stood, awaiting her representation of the last letter of the alphabet; Z)

Z!

(She exclaimed)

Well…

(She began)

I actually have no description for the letter Z as it marks the end of life’s journey. I’m hoping to find a better representation of Z should we meet in the afterlife.

(She pauses, takes a deep breath and continues)

I am quite certain it will represent the zeal with which I plan to overcome life’s countless challenges going forward.

I have presented to you the ABC’s of my love life.

Thank you for your audience!

Thank you Nana for this amazing Kente fabric. May you live long!

Thank you TDL for empowering the course of the African Woman!

Thank you my distinguished audience!

Epilogue: 

(The audience were full of praise for this young lady)

(A rather deafening applause and a standing ovation lasted for a record time of 15 minutes as she exits the stage)

Story created by;

Atsu Dogbey

A member of TDL

The Omega God

Among the attributes accorded to the Most High God, the “Alpha and Omega” happens to be the most frequently used attribute. This attribute is accorded to God when Christians pray and worship. He is the Alpha and Omega...!.  A popular line in most Christian songs of worship to God.  By default and due to our cultural, societal and mostly religious orientation, we happen to understand fully and relate to the Alpha nature of God and thereby according Him the needed reverence to that effect. 
Have we however paused for a moment to fully digest what this attribute essentially means? 
What do we mean by reverencing God as an Omega?

First and foremost, God as Alpha and Omega depicts God as taking two directly opposite forms at the same time and not one at a particular time and the other at another. It depicts God existing in these two forms at the same time. Meaning, God as; the first and the last, the head and the tail, the beginning and the end, the greatest and the least. Take for instance; in a family, He takes the form of both the family head and the last-born child, in a country He takes the form of both the wealthiest/powerful and the poorest/vulnerable. He exists in exactly these directly opposite forms at all times.

How easy it is to picture God as an Alpha but how difficult and close to impossible it is viewing God as an Omega?

Omega, as the English Dictionary has it, is the 24^th letter of the Greek alphabet. The word ‘omega’ can also be used in describing the ending of a series or sequence, for example the letter, Z. The word omega is synonymous to words including end and last.

In the book of Isaiah 53, the bible recounts the story of the Prophet Isaiah’s description of the Lord portraying Him mostly as taking His Omega form.  

For He shall grow up before him as a tender plant and as a root out of a dry ground; He hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:2-3)

And it came to pass that the Lord came to the earth and assumed His Omega nature and despite His amazing miracles and teachings of wisdom like an Alpha would, He was still rejected by the very people He had come to save because of the form He assumed; His Omega form. They had expected to see a much more handsome, mighty and king-like warrior (probably because Jesus hailed from the bloodline of David and was destined to save them from all evil) commanding an unbeatable troop of warriors. Jesus happened to not suit their definition of ‘savior’ which  led to His rejection with the presumption that their savior was yet to come. 
How we easily disregard and despise our God when he assumes His Omega form.

Similarly in the book of Matthew 25: 31- 46, The Bible teaches the coming of the Son of Man in His glory and all the holy angels with Him and He shall sit upon the throne of His glory (Alpha form). Here, He gives eternal life to those who fed Him when He was hungry, drink when thirsty, took Him in although a stranger, clothed Him when naked, visited Him when sick, and came to Him in prison. In contrast, He curses into everlasting fire those who refused Him help.

Both factions will ask the Lord for instances when they provided or deprived Him of any of these needs. “And the King shall answer and say unto them, verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matthew 25: 40)

How easy it is to reverence God as Alpha and be willing to give Him everything He asks' of but how difficult it is again to give to Him what He asks' for in His Omega form as your mere brethren.

Going forward, we should desist from reverencing God only as Alpha and reverence Him as He is, His holistic nature both Alpha and Omega at all times. Concentrate especially on His Omega nature. This way we avoid the judgement of eternal punishment.

The Spirit of God resides in every one of us as long as we have the breath of life, regardless our religious affiliation. We are all gods on earth only we will die like men. Jesus reinforced this fact. So the earlier we start seeing God in everyone and not only religious leaders, the better.

Never forget to reverence God in His Omega sense. By that I mean that beggar on your street, the disabled man who begs for your money, the street child, the homeless Lebanese kids and their parents on the streets of Accra among others.
Remember that God can take any form He pleases.

Do well to extend a hand of help to the poor and vulnerable in society. Not only because they are in need but also because they represent the Most High God in His Omega form.

I AM A MOVIE CRITIC

So it was Christmas again and I decided to pay my girlfriend’s family a visit. In fact, I had longed for this day and finally opportunity stuck its friendly nose in my business. I put on my jeans trousers and a nice polo shirt I got as a gift for Christmas. I started for the residence of my girlfriend. We have been dating for a couple of years and I guess you are wondering why I never had the guts to visit her home? It was simple. I was an unemployed graduate. Not anymore! I had found myself acquainted with an admirable entrepreneurial job I founded. I am a movie critic. I was finally about to meet the family that begot this beautiful lady I had for a lover. A bold knock on the gate re-announced my pre-announced presence. My sweetheart let me in with an I-have-been-waiting-for-this-day smile.

I was walked into their hall where I met with her siblings and was offered a seat. On which I sat with my legs crossed. I recalled counselling her younger siblings about the kind of job they could pursue after school when her Mum made an entrance into the hall. Courteously, I stood up to greet her Mum and her reactions made me believe her Mum liked me. After all, I wasn’t all that bad-looking. Her Mum and I went through a long list of cliché questions of which I answered with ease. Then the question I had been waiting to hear found its way into my longing ears. “Young man, please what kind of work do you do for a living?” Mum asked. I heard the question but noticed her other siblings’ attention drawn to a movie aired on the television. I had to get their attention at all cost so I could impress them with what I did for a living.

So I asked her Mum to repeat her question only a little louder than she had done before, which she did. Now the sound of her voice drew everyone’s attention towards me. “Please Ma, I have founded my own business” I replied rather confidently but politely, “I am a movie critic”. Her Mum smiled at me although I could not decipher why she did. She went on further to ask of the exact job description. I replied her using an analogy. “For example” I began, “After watching a movie like Kumkum Bhagya" (a Hindi-language Indian soap opera aired on a local TV channel), "my friends" (who are staunch members of UGAG - Unemployed Graduates Association of Ghana) "and I argue it out to reveal scenes that could be improved on and commend scenes that were perfectly executed” I answered.

Immediately, her Mum instructed her younger sibling in their local dialect, the Ewe language. A language we both shared, only I speak the Anlo and they speak the Peki; both sects of the Ewe language. Her Mum’s instruction was “tsi n3 Daddy b3 n3 ko asti ve nam” (Meaning; tell Daddy to bring me a cane). I thought I heard her Mum say “tsi n3 Daddy b3 n3 ko esti ve nam” (Meaning; tell Daddy to bring me some water). A misplaced homophone on my part. Her younger sibling got up to fetch what I presumed was her Daddy with my water. I was intrigued. Did her Mummy just instruct that her Dad bring me water? I thought-out loud, what a privileged my job description had brought me. She then asked if I get paid for my job. I admitted I was not on any form of salary yet but I may get an opportunity to discuss my findings on a television channel someday.

I noticed her elder brother signalling me with his eyes but I could not read meaning into what his eyes were trying to communicate to me.  I ignored him, perhaps he was admiring my polo shirt. Strangely, I noticed almost every eye in the room signalling me to do what I later discovered meant “Run for your life!! “. Before I could say a word, I heard what felt like fire at my back and my adrenaline grew numb. I could not run. I was in a state of shock. Although I had not fully recovered from the shock I could hear an angry voice behind saying something like “Is this the kind of job you deem fit to ask of my daughter’s hand in marriage?!!”  I was close to finding my consciousness when I felt the fire again behind my back only this time round it woke me up to fully appreciate reality. I was being stroked with a cane by my girlfriend's father.

My now alert adrenaline carried me two legs at a time while the cane lashes ongoing behind my back propelled me faster than my legs could carry me. I was thinking of the fastest way to escape this torment although I must admit my concentration rebooted every time the cane landed mercilessly at my back. After about hundred meters, the message her father was trying to communicate had become as clear as day. Minutes after the beating had stopped and her Dad retreating victoriously, I could still feel the cane and its impact behind my back.

I didn’t bother questioning why my job wouldn’t find me a wife but I pledged to find a new one. A billboard has it written boldly; “SOMETIMES IN LIFE MOTIVATION FINDS YOU”. I could attest to the fact that motivation had not only found me but had left behind my back a constant reminder.

Before I decide on a new job, permit me to critique the last movie I had just witnessed and probably played a lead role. Well, you will agree with me that the father character had gone beyond his script to beat the hell of a scene out of me.

So I chose a new path, which would later be my Life’s Task. I had become a writer. I hope it would reduce the number of strokes next Christmas or probably get me a handshake, of which the latter is perhaps the most likely.

Happy New Year!

Best Regards,

Atsu Dogbey

& Members of the Dogbey League

THE HUMAN COMEDY

With the stage set

And characters outfitted

A musical interlude instigates

As the clown mounts the stage

A true master slave to humour

An introverted extrovert

Full of wisdom in folly

With varied emotions

One for each tiny bit of feeling

Concocting to act naturally

He mimics an original copy

Wearing a pretty cruel smile

Appearing naturally strange

He entertains this small crowd

And finally picks up the microphone

Looking clearly confused

Yet to confess an inkling

A gloomy truth

Eager to appear invisible

Or perhaps wake up dead

His only choice then

Was to run slowly

Or wait impatiently

He recovers from this short wait

Comprehends a light darkness

Illuminating the chamber half empty

A noticeable absence

He squawks quietly

Then lingers to a halt

At the sight of the comical show-host

A pot-bellied man

Apparently cantankerous

If not so badly dressed

An unapologetic plea follows

As he speaks into the microphone

Re-echoing an open secret

One by family

One by friend

One by foe                                    

We’re all living dead

Partaking in the human comedy

- Atsu Dogbey

Knock the T’ off the CAN’T

A story is told of one of the greatest public speakers history had recorded. Growing up with what seemed to be a self-inflicted inferiority complex, Zhànshì’s legs shook even when he attempted answering a question in the classroom. Born into a family of great achievers mostly in public speaking, Zhànshì had the desire to become a public speaker himself someday. His Dad and siblings excelled in the art but he could not comprehend why he performed poorly at what came almost natural to him and seemed to run in the family. After a few failed attempts, he resolved to not partake anymore in public speaking, as the art made him overwhelmingly scared and disclosed to everyone his lack of confidence. He chose a career in mechanical engineering which had little to do with interacting with humans (in this case, customers) but all to do with machines. He felt the freedom he had longed for. Only, deep within him, he found no actual peace (call it; inner peace). He could almost always catch himself crying at night for denying himself the opportunity to do what he felt was his true destiny; to become a public speaker.

One fateful morning, Zhànshì read an article published in a newspaper written by a celebrated writer. The writer captioned the article “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T” which sought to enlighten her readers about the myriad benefits of positive thinking coupled with the “Can do!” spirit. What intrigued him the most was the writer’s narrative of her beginnings and how she initially felt the fear to give her career a try. But with the same motivation to “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T” which she had also discovered and read earlier in a book, she literally got up and made that journey to success amidst its challenges. 

Shortly after reading this piece which had been drafted as though it were a personal message directed to him, Zhànshì also got up, literally, and bid his current job a final goodbye. Indeed the journey was not rosy as he failed again a number of times. He would not give up, but changed his thinking to believe in God and himself that he could do it. He gradually became an optimist, filling his mind with positive thoughts. And just as like attracts like, he had transformed himself into one of the greatest public speakers history had ever recorded.

When asked in an interview of how he had accomplished much with such an unmatchable self-confidence, he gently replied; “Trust in God and knock the T’ off  the CAN’T!” He then referred his audience to a poem he had written and carried along with him throughout his life as a public speaker.
The 3-stanza poem detailed; how timidity almost stole the best away from him, how he did not feel accomplished working in a field other than his destined field and finally, how he took that bold step to pursue success regardless of his fears. He captions this piece with his eternal words; “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T”. 
 

So I hid in the arms of failure

Wrapping myself comfortably in its embrace

O’ what a love so genuine!

I pleaded to bear no further disgrace

So I settled for less

Enjoying my decision regardless

But I still could feel the tears

My ego stole from me for years

So I knocked the T’ off the CAN’T!

And put in all my might

To free myself from this plight

And give success its very fight

Naïve Perspective

Call it what you may, the perspective of the immature or childish if you like.  Irrespective of how you refer to it, it is important to note that your view of people is dominated by this perspective; the Naïve Perspective. And until you come to such a realisation, it’ll be close to impossible to acquire social intelligence. Social intelligence is nothing more than the process of discarding the Naïve Perspective and approaching something more realistic. It involves focusing our attention outward instead of inward, honing the observational and empathic skills that we naturally possess. It means moving past our tendency to idealize and demonize people, and seeing and accepting them as they are. It is a way of thinking that must be cultivated as early as possible in this phase of our lives. But before we can begin to acquire this intelligence, we must first come to grips with the Naïve Perspective itself.
Compared to other animals, we humans enter the world remarkably weak and helpless. We remain relatively weak for many years before we can truly operate on our own. This extended period of immaturity, lasting some twelve to eighteen years, serves a valuable function: it gives us the chance to focus on developing our brain – by far the most important weapon in the human arsenal. But this prolonged childhood comes with a price. During this time of weakness and dependency, we experience the need to idealise our parents. Our survival depends on their strength and reliability. To think of them as having their own frailties would fill us with unbearable anxiety. And so we inevitably see them as stronger, more capable, and more selfless than they are in reality. We come to view their actions through the lens of our needs, and so they become extensions of ourselves.

During these long period of immaturity, we often transfer these idealizations and distortions to teachers and friends, projecting onto them what we want and need to see. Our view of people become saturated with various emotions - worship, admiration, love, need, anger. Then inevitably, often in adolescence, we start to glimpse a less-than-noble side to many people, including our parents, and we cannot help but feel upset at the disparity between what we imagined and the reality. In our disappointments, we tend to exaggerate their negative qualities, much as we once exaggerated their positive ones.

Although it is natural to have the Naïve Perspective because of the unique character of our childhood, it is also dangerous because it envelops us in a childish illusions about people, distorting our view of them. We carry this perspective with us into the adult world. In the work environment, the stakes are suddenly raised. People are no longer struggling for good grades or social approval, but for survival. Under such pressure they reveal qualities of their characters that they normally try to conceal. They manipulate, compete and think of themselves first. We are blindsided by this behaviour and our emotions are churned up even more than before, locking us into the naive perspective. If we have been forced earlier on in life to make it on our own, practical needs would have come to dominate          our thinking and we would have become more detached and realistic. But as it is, the many years of viewing people through the lens of or emotional needs turns into a habit that we can hardly control.

The Naïve perspective makes us feel sensitive and vulnerable. Looking inwards as to how words and actions of others implicate us in some way, we continually misread their intentions. We project our own feelings onto them. We have no real sense of what their thinking or what motivates them. With colleagues in our work environment, we fail to see the source of their envy or the reason for their manipulation; our attempts at influencing them are based on the assumptions that they want the same things as ourselves. With mentors and bosses we project onto them our childhood fantasies, becoming unnecessarily adoring or fearful of authority figures and creating stormy or brittle relationships in the process. We think we understand people, but we are viewing them through a distorted lens. In this state, all our empathic powers are rendered useless

With the inevitable mistakes that we make, we become entangled in dramas that consume our minds and distract us from learning. Our sense of priorities becomes warped - we end up giving too much importance to social and political issues because we are not handling them well. If we are not careful we carry these patterns to the next phase of our lives in which we are in a more public position. At this level, being socially inept can prove particularly embarrassing even fatal to our careers. People who retain their childish attitudes will rarely be able to hold on to the success they may achieve through their talent.

How do you come to such a realisation?

You reach this awareness by reviewing your past, paying particular attention to any battles, mistakes, tensions or disappointments on the social front. If you look at these events through the lens of the Naïve Perspective, you will focus only on what other people have done to you – the mistreatments you endured from them, the slights or injuries you felt. Instead, you must turn this around and begin with yourself – how you saw in others qualities they did not possess, or how you ignored signs of a dark side to their nature. In doing this, you will be able to see clearly the discrepancies between your illusions about who they are and the reality and the role you played in creating this discrepancy. If you look closely enough, you can often perceive your relationship with bosses and superiors re-enactments of the childhood family dynamic- the idealizing or demonizing that has become habitual.

By making yourself aware of the distorting process of the Naïve Perspective you will naturally grow less comfortable with it. You will realise that you are operating in the dark, blind to people’s motivations and intentions, vulnerable to the same mistakes and patterns that occurred in the past. You will feel your lack of real connection to other people. The desire will naturally arise from within to change this dynamic –to start looking outward instead of focusing only on your own feelings, to observe before you react.

This new clarity about your perspective should be accompanied by an adjustment of your attitude. You must avoid the temptation to become cynical in your approach as an overreaction to your prior naïveté. The most effective attitude to adopt is one of supreme acceptance. The world is full of people with different characters and temperaments. We all have a dark side, a tendency to manipulate and aggressive desires. The most dangerous types are those who repress their desires or deny any existence of them. Often acting them out in the most underhanded ways. Some people have dark qualities that are especially pronounced. You cannot change such people at their core, but must merely avoid becoming their victim. You are an observer of the human comedy, and by being as tolerant as possible, you gain a much greater ability to understand people and to influence their behaviour when necessary.

With this new awareness and attitude in place, you can begin to advance in acquiring social intelligence and to see people as they truly are; having a dark side that is obscure when viewing them through the lens of naïveté.

-           Robert Greene

Reproduced by: Atsu Dogbey