I am
supposed to write about father’s day but I cannot write this piece without
being bias. I know better than to write to this piece describing only, the
father I knew and loved; my dad and hero.
Although I do not deny the fact that at various stages in my life, a few
elderly men assumed the role of father. I want to seize this opportunity
to propagate my definition of a father’s love per the life my biological father
portrayed in the years past.
Unlike
the love of a mother which is portrayed in the forms of showing of affection,
care and love that caters for the emotional needs of their children, a father’s
love towards his family is distinct, that is the provision of needs and the
financial pillar of the home.
Before I
proceed with this write up, I want to digress a little bit to share with you a
statement I overheard an elderly man make when he was invited to settle a
dispute between a young lady whose father abandoned his roles and was seeking a
reconciliation with her after she had become successful in life; “A man is not required to cater for your
needs to be your father, the mere fact that he gave birth to you makes him your
father”. This statement makes scientific sense because the young lady came
about when an ordinary man answered to the call of biology but he does not qualify
to be her father in the essence of the word father;
that I strongly disagree. In essence, The Most High God is our father, in
essence the relative who provides for your needs is your father, in essence
some of us regard our pastors as father (spiritual father is what we call them)
as for biology, it only plays a close to irrelevant role in the construction of
the theory of fatherhood.
I felt and
still feel ungrateful for turning a blind eye on the efforts of my father when
he catered for us. He would complain that he didn’t have enough when we ask for
financial assistance stating also that, he sometimes had to go to bed on an
empty stomach. “Eeeei!!” we mocked, “With all the money you have, how can a rich
man like you sleep on an empty stomach!”. Don’t be so quick to judge us because we
reacted in such an unpleasant manner because he had portrayed himself as the provider
of our every need so much so that we never imagined he lacked a thing and this
justified our unpleasant but innocent reaction.. Truth is, he did lack a few things
but he didn’t want his family to lack anything. This is the man worthy to be
called, father, a daughter’s sugar daddy and a son’s hero.
This day
is not celebrated with the love and care accorded to mothers on mother’s day
because a father’s efforts are hidden from the eyes of his children as he goes
the extra mile to break deals with people sometimes at the expense of his life
just to meet the needs of his family. He understands comfort but sacrifices it
for the comfort of his family. Most of
us can attest to the fact that all we know about our father is that he is that
IMF that comes in to bail out the family in times of financial difficulties but
the point we are all missing here is the fact that without the provisions a
father puts in place for the children, their mothers love will make no sense to
them. Often times, I hear children express anger at their father's action or inaction because they only receive money and periodic phone calls from them and
that he does not make time to play with them. I laugh and want to ask them a
simple question; will you rather your father plays with you all day at home and
says “I love you” anytime you ask for
fees because he cannot afford it? Which of your numerous bills can the ‘I love you’s’ and the ‘plays’ you request of your father
settle?
The role
of mothers is felt and evident but for the fathers, it takes a matured mind to
translate all the financial support he invests into the family as love, the
same way we quantify all the love and care of our mother in its monetary equivalents.
So anytime
you say a word of prayer for your mother, telling the Good Lord how much more
years you desire that He adds to the age of your mother whose presence you feel, pause for a second and think of the man that sacrificed his presence and time to enable you to feel loved by your mother because he spends his entire life striving to pay the necessary homage to Maslow.
Motherhood
and fatherhood use different doctrines in executing their roles. This makes
their roles different but complementary and must not be analysed in isolation. Both
of our parents cannot play the role of a mother (showing love and affection) neither
can they assume the role of a father (financial pillar), it’s a blend of both
that makes parenting complete.
If I had
the veto power, I will forbid the celebration of mothers and fathers in
isolation to pave way for the celebration of both parents on a designated day (Parent's
Day) because their roles complement each other and are complete together not in isolation.
Let’s
appreciate the efforts of fathers so we do not leave them unappreciated. I
honor and celebrate my father and I know you do too. So to all fathers in the
world(biological fathers constituting the minority), we honor and celebrate you!
We respect your hustle Fathers!
Happy Father’s
Day!
God
richly bless you Father!!
