Thursday 29 December 2016

THE HUMAN COMEDY


With the stage set
And characters outfitted
A musical interlude instigates
As the clown mounts the stage
A true master slave to humour
An introverted extrovert
Full of wisdom in folly
With varied emotions
One for each tiny bit of feeling
Concocting to act naturally
He mimics an original copy
Wearing a pretty cruel smile
Appearing naturally strange
He entertains this small crowd
And finally picks up the microphone
Looking clearly confused
Yet to confess an inkling
A gloomy truth
Eager to appear invisible
Or perhaps wake up dead
His only choice then
Was to run slowly
Or wait impatiently
He recovers from this short wait
Comprehends a light darkness
Illuminating the chamber half empty
A noticeable absence
He squawks quietly
Then lingers to a halt
At the sight of the comical show-host
A pot-bellied man
Apparently cantankerous
If not so badly dressed
An unapologetic plea follows
As he speaks into the microphone
Re-echoing an open secret
One by family
One by friend
One by foe                                    
We’re all living dead
Partaking in the human comedy
- Atsu Dogbey

Friday 9 December 2016

Knock the T’ off the CAN’T

A story is told of one of the greatest public speakers history had recorded. Growing up with what seemed to be a self-inflicted inferiority complex, Zhànshì’s legs shook even when he attempted answering a question in the classroom. Born into a family of great achievers mostly in public speaking, Zhànshì had the desire to become a public speaker himself someday. His Dad and siblings excelled in the art but he could not comprehend why he performed poorly at what came almost natural to him and seemed to run in the family. After a few failed attempts, he resolved to not partake anymore in public speaking, as the art made him overwhelmingly scared and disclosed to everyone his lack of confidence. He chose a career in mechanical engineering which had little to do with interacting with humans (in this case, customers) but all to do with machines. He felt the freedom he had longed for. Only, deep within him, he found no actual peace (call it; inner peace). He could almost always catch himself crying at night for denying himself the opportunity to do what he felt was his true destiny; to become a public speaker.
One fateful morning, Zhànshì read an article published in a newspaper written by a celebrated writer. The writer captioned the article “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T” which sought to enlighten her readers about the myriad benefits of positive thinking coupled with the “Can do!” spirit. What intrigued him the most was the writer’s narrative of her beginnings and how she initially felt the fear to give her career a try. But with the same motivation to “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T” which she had also discovered and read earlier in a book, she literally got up and made that journey to success amidst its challenges. 

Shortly after reading this piece which had been drafted as though it were a personal message directed to him, Zhànshì also got up, literally, and bid his current job a final goodbye. Indeed the journey was not rosy as he failed again a number of times. He would not give up, but changed his thinking to believe in God and himself that he could do it. He gradually became an optimist, filling his mind with positive thoughts. And just as like attracts like, he had transformed himself into one of the greatest public speakers history had ever recorded.
When asked in an interview of how he had accomplished much with such an unmatchable self-confidence, he gently replied; “Trust in God and knock the T’ off  the CAN’T!” He then referred his audience to a poem he had written and carried along with him throughout his life as a public speaker.
The 3-stanza poem detailed; how timidity almost stole the best away from him, how he did not feel accomplished working in a field other than his destined field and finally, how he took that bold step to pursue success regardless of his fears. He captions this piece with his eternal words; “Knock the T’ off the CAN’T”. 
 
So I hid in the arms of failure
Wrapping myself comfortably in its embrace
O’ what a love so genuine!
I pleaded to bear no further disgrace

So I settled for less
Enjoying my decision regardless
But I still could feel the tears
My ego stole from me for years

So I knocked the T’ off the CAN’T!
And put in all my might
To free myself from this plight
And give success its very fight

Sunday 4 December 2016

Naïve Perspective

Call it what you may, the perspective of the immature or childish if you like.  Irrespective of how you refer to it, it is important to note that your view of people is dominated by this perspective; the Naïve Perspective. And until you come to such a realisation, it’ll be close to impossible to acquire social intelligence. Social intelligence is nothing more than the process of discarding the Naïve Perspective and approaching something more realistic. It involves focusing our attention outward instead of inward, honing the observational and empathic skills that we naturally possess. It means moving past our tendency to idealize and demonize people, and seeing and accepting them as they are. It is a way of thinking that must be cultivated as early as possible in this phase of our lives. But before we can begin to acquire this intelligence, we must first come to grips with the Naïve Perspective itself.
Compared to other animals, we humans enter the world remarkably weak and helpless. We remain relatively weak for many years before we can truly operate on our own. This extended period of immaturity, lasting some twelve to eighteen years, serves a valuable function: it gives us the chance to focus on developing our brain – by far the most important weapon in the human arsenal. But this prolonged childhood comes with a price. During this time of weakness and dependency, we experience the need to idealise our parents. Our survival depends on their strength and reliability. To think of them as having their own frailties would fill us with unbearable anxiety. And so we inevitably see them as stronger, more capable, and more selfless than they are in reality. We come to view their actions through the lens of our needs, and so they become extensions of ourselves.
During these long period of immaturity, we often transfer these idealizations and distortions to teachers and friends, projecting onto them what we want and need to see. Our view of people become saturated with various emotions - worship, admiration, love, need, anger. Then inevitably, often in adolescence, we start to glimpse a less-than-noble side to many people, including our parents, and we cannot help but feel upset at the disparity between what we imagined and the reality. In our disappointments, we tend to exaggerate their negative qualities, much as we once exaggerated their positive ones.

Although it is natural to have the Naïve Perspective because of the unique character of our childhood, it is also dangerous because it envelops us in a childish illusions about people, distorting our view of them. We carry this perspective with us into the adult world. In the work environment, the stakes are suddenly raised. People are no longer struggling for good grades or social approval, but for survival. Under such pressure they reveal qualities of their characters that they normally try to conceal. They manipulate, compete and think of themselves first. We are blindsided by this behaviour and our emotions are churned up even more than before, locking us into the naive perspective. If we have been forced earlier on in life to make it on our own, practical needs would have come to dominate          our thinking and we would have become more detached and realistic. But as it is, the many years of viewing people through the lens of or emotional needs turns into a habit that we can hardly control.
The Naïve perspective makes us feel sensitive and vulnerable. Looking inwards as to how words and actions of others implicate us in some way, we continually misread their intentions. We project our own feelings onto them. We have no real sense of what their thinking or what motivates them. With colleagues in our work environment, we fail to see the source of their envy or the reason for their manipulation; our attempts at influencing them are based on the assumptions that they want the same things as ourselves. With mentors and bosses we project onto them our childhood fantasies, becoming unnecessarily adoring or fearful of authority figures and creating stormy or brittle relationships in the process. We think we understand people, but we are viewing them through a distorted lens. In this state, all our empathic powers are rendered useless
With the inevitable mistakes that we make, we become entangled in dramas that consume our minds and distract us from learning. Our sense of priorities becomes warped - we end up giving too much importance to social and political issues because we are not handling them well. If we are not careful we carry these patterns to the next phase of our lives in which we are in a more public position. At this level, being socially inept can prove particularly embarrassing even fatal to our careers. People who retain their childish attitudes will rarely be able to hold on to the success they may achieve through their talent.
How do you come to such a realisation?
You reach this awareness by reviewing your past, paying particular attention to any battles, mistakes, tensions or disappointments on the social front. If you look at these events through the lens of the Naïve Perspective, you will focus only on what other people have done to you – the mistreatments you endured from them, the slights or injuries you felt. Instead, you must turn this around and begin with yourself – how you saw in others qualities they did not possess, or how you ignored signs of a dark side to their nature. In doing this, you will be able to see clearly the discrepancies between your illusions about who they are and the reality and the role you played in creating this discrepancy. If you look closely enough, you can often perceive your relationship with bosses and superiors re-enactments of the childhood family dynamic- the idealizing or demonizing that has become habitual.
By making yourself aware of the distorting process of the Naïve Perspective you will naturally grow less comfortable with it. You will realise that you are operating in the dark, blind to people’s motivations and intentions, vulnerable to the same mistakes and patterns that occurred in the past. You will feel your lack of real connection to other people. The desire will naturally arise from within to change this dynamic –to start looking outward instead of focusing only on your own feelings, to observe before you react.
This new clarity about your perspective should be accompanied by an adjustment of your attitude. You must avoid the temptation to become cynical in your approach as an overreaction to your prior naïveté. The most effective attitude to adopt is one of supreme acceptance. The world is full of people with different characters and temperaments. We all have a dark side, a tendency to manipulate and aggressive desires. The most dangerous types are those who repress their desires or deny any existence of them. Often acting them out in the most underhanded ways. Some people have dark qualities that are especially pronounced. You cannot change such people at their core, but must merely avoid becoming their victim. You are an observer of the human comedy, and by being as tolerant as possible, you gain a much greater ability to understand people and to influence their behaviour when necessary.
With this new awareness and attitude in place, you can begin to advance in acquiring social intelligence and to see people as they truly are; having a dark side that is obscure when viewing them through the lens of naïveté.
-           Robert Greene
Reproduced by: Atsu Dogbey